Sammie’s blog

So sick of this! Fuck you. I've tried to make things okay, i've tried! But its never enough, never been enough.  Quit going on about it, making me feel like shit, how am I supposed to be friends with you if you disregard everything I say?  I already told you that thats not how it is, yet you go on and on about it...Jezus christ, fuck you. Don't talk to me. I hate you.

Pretty Girl - Sugarcult

I can never escape this tangled web
Of all the words, the feelings, in my head,
I can never shake off
This feeling of dread,
But I know that we'll be fine.

I'm lost. I couldn't imagine how the hell i was going to make it through the day.

I'm scared.

But maybe that was the problem. Maybe I need to learn how to be my own person. I just have to figure out how the hell to do that.

Like a bird in a cage.

The door is opened.

"You're free, you're free!"

But the bird hesitates,

watching the door suspiciously.

It approaches the cage door -

Hops to the ledge - teeters on indecision

Hops back into the cage,

To its perch.

Wondering what to do.

My dad was admitted to the hospital today. I didnt find out until shortly before now. Apparantly he's been having heart attacks that have been tiny but getting progressively worse. He thought they were just pains.  My father is forty eight years old. My fathers father died at fifty from a heart attack.

I think im going to cry.

-edit

My dads going to winnipeg for an angeogram. He's in High Care. He's scared.  He tries not to show it, but I can tell.

My father has smoked a pack a day or more for over thirty five years. He's now been told he MUST stop smoking and make some drastic lifestyle choices or within five years he's toast.

Im falling apart. I admit it. I need my dad.

The last two weeks my boyfriend has been at camp.

Of course I, not being a very stable person, did have one little nervous breakdown, but other than that, I have done very well to keep myself occupied.  He's coming back soon. :)

The first day my family had a bbq party and I got completely toasted(drunk, wasted), and my brother, Kris, and my besty Tessa was there, and then my ex boyfriend showed up cause his dad is my dads best friend and his dad needed a ride home. Of course, his dad wasnt ready to go yet so we all went for a walk and stole several road signs.Fun!

I spent a few nights at Tessa's house and I texted a friend, Austin (K), one night from 7:00 to two in the morning. He is a very interesting person to talk to.

I saw Bob at extra foods - he shaved his goatee in a new way, it looked so cool! Goatee's are awesome.

I went for an interview for a job at Tim Hortons, and I got the job! I start August 1st, and he's supposed to be calling at the end of the month to make sure I still want the job. Yay!!!

My Auntie&Uncle B. (Bernice and Brian) came down from Kelowna to visit, and Uncle B took me for a ride on his Harley!(motercycle)!!!

My parents are working in the Pas, so Im staying the night at my Nanny's with my little siblings.

My boyfriend won't let me go watch his soccer game; He says he'll get cocky and mess up if im there. He said he'd tell me about it later. He's a cutie though so I forgive him.

He told me a song reminded him of me but I can't remember what it is and I really loved it and want to hear it. :(

My new fave band is LIVE

Im going on a band trip to calgary soon i want to buy a video camera or maybe a new acoustic guitar...I broke my old one. Whoops. I still have my electrics though.

My birthday again.

Loll. My last name is May...Weird huh>?

My great great auntie or great granma or some shit like that was called Sarah(Supposed to b e my name, but not) Elizabeth(My middle name). She was born on May 1st too. Kewl, huh?

Huh is my new favourite word.

Today I spilled red nailpolish in my hoodie pocket and I stuck my hand in my pocket to get my money and I pulled my hand out and it looks like I killed someone.

I heard about Swine Flu and my bf has recently been to Mexico and was sick and gave his sickness to me, but The doctor said he doesnt have it. I'm still worried though because although I'm not throwing up I have been suffering from chills, fever, sneezing, coughing, exaustion, etc.  Also, I recently visited with a family friend who just got back from Mexico, he went on vacation in Cancun(or however you spell it).  My mum won't take me to the doctor either, she thinks that going to a doctor is if im dying or have a broken bone, no less. Oh well./

Lol, I went to school today and before the bell rang this morning Matt and Dustin were lurking(leaning, looming, etc that tall people do) by/against my locker, and as I went to get my book Matt said hey it's your birthday right, happy birthday and Dustin said happy birthday and they made my day :)

Joel just pointed out it's been thirty five weeks since his birthday. I don't actually know how many weeks are in the year.

I AM SO PUMPED FOR RODEO! rofl. Seriously though, I can't wait.  Well, I guess I can, I won't die from waiting, unless I die from Swine Flu while I'm waiting. lol.

Joel is a liar, and he insists that he's not but he told me once that he broke his leg from falling down stairs, then he broke his legs from getting hit by a car, then four different times he was moving to Saskatoon, Winnipeg, Alberta, Kamsack. What a liar. Now he thinks im cyber threatening him. *rolls eyes*

I like Safety Pins! rofl.

I'm not even sure why I write blog posts. I think It's mostly to let out pent up frustration, happiness, or to avoid doing Social. I have gym next...Ew. Oh well. I'll live...Unless the swine influenza gets me....What if it turns into sommat like the Spanish Influenza, and we all die? Morbid.

You should play the game Pandemic...I don't know where to find it but I've killed the earth four times on that game. Morbid. Maybe this whole epidemic is just someone playing the game. Hmmm.....I wonder if the world will end in 2012 from Swine Flu? It's funny that this whole Swine influenza popped up right after me and Joel discussed our Zombie plans.  Weird. What if we all turn into Zombies(or pigs??) Oh well. I have my plan.I just need a grenade manual.

I'm reading the Prince and the Pauper and its a little morbid, it's about England back in the day when King Henry was king and then Prince Edward became King Edward IV...Etc. But there were alot of really brutal laws back then, boiling people in oil, etc.

I asked my daddy what his Zombie Plan was and he said he's going to his friend Al's because Al has a whole bunch of guns(he hunts stuff) and a dynomite liscense. Which is so awesome, I wish I had a dynomite liscense. Apparently he has said liscense so he can blow up beaver dams, but if I had a dynomite liscense I would totally take over the earth; Note to earth; don't give Samm a Dynomite Liscense. 

I wish I had curly hair instead of like Pin straight hair like mine. Even though my hair is like uber short(w/e medium length, it still feels short.)

Today is May Day too, I guess. I watched Fred's May Day and he gave a may day basket to his neighbor who prompt-like whipped it at his head.  Then I watched one about the neighbourhood squirrel things.(Pomeranians) lol.

So as was said, I was onn yahoo answers, and some mentally challenged person was horrified that she wouldnt be able to have children, because she was shaving, and cut herself, and thought she cut her 'ovary section' I was like omg, are you braindead? LOL

Funniest shit ever. my response;

Source(s):

Okay.

This really happened.
I was skipping gym class one day cause they went curling and I think curling is gay

So

I was hanging in the cafeteria with a guy friend named steven who sometimes just neglects to show up to class

And we were drawing on the table

Mostly me cause im cool like that

And there was no one in the caf cause people were supposed to be in class

But then a bunch of like people came in and i was like 'lets bounce' and then we ran into one of his smoker friends in the hallway and he was like you guys wanna go outside and even tho its like twenty below outside and I was wearing a light sweater I was like okay cause steven was like if you want to and I was like yeah. So we went outside to wear the stoners and smokers hang out in the trees.

I love standing there because these people are so interesting and most of them are super nice. Others are weird but whatever.

So then we were standin there for a while and this guy,Dean, who has these gorgeous, huge brown eyes that just look straight into your soul and I think he is super cool came up carrying a box of doughnuts and Jesse was like Doughnuts again man? and Dean just laughed and lit up a smoke and he was like want a doughnut? to me

And he totally made my day. It was a powdered jelly doughnut! But yeah. It made my day. He's kewl.